It is not uncommon to hear about or even see a parent spanking their children. It’s been a practice for ages but many people disregard the fact that they are actually physically abusing their child. Although the little smack will only cause some stinging that will fade away in a matter of seconds or minutes, it affects a child’s mental state in a permanent way.

A Swedish author Astrid Lindgren, best known for her children’s book series featuring Pippi Longstocking, was awarded the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary works in 1978. In her acceptance speech she integrated a remarkable story about a woman she met in her 20’s who didn’t believe in spanking children. However, when this woman’s son was four or five he did something that she felt warranted a spanking. She told him to go outside and come back with a stick that she could use to hit him with. Lindgren said, “The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said, ‘Mama, I couldn’t find a switch (a stick), but here’s a rock that you can throw at me.’”

There, the mother understood how the situation felt from the boy’s point of view: if his mother wanted to hurt him, then it didn’t matter what she did it with. She might as well do it with a stone. The mother took the boy onto her lap and they both began to cry. The mother then laid the rock on a shelf in her kitchen as a constant reminder to herself: never violence. Lindgren brought her anecdote to a close by saying, “That is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery–one can raise children into violence.”

Sixty-five percent of American families use physical punishment to discipline their children according to the American Psychoanalytic Association. Some parents think that their kids just need a little kick in the pants to let them know that whatever they did to deserve the punishment was wrong. They believe that without the physical element of punishment, their children won’t learn their lesson. But in some cases, parents are just so fed up with their child’s behavior that they take out their anger and annoyance on them either verbally or physically. Either way is bad, but taking your aggression out on your kids through the means of hitting or spanking them is just plain wrong and abusive. Studies show that physical punishment in children directly correlates to an increase in delinquency and aggression as they grow into adults.

As an adult, if you hit a stranger or your spouse you are committing a crime of assault. Spanking is of the same nature as hitting. Therefore one should not be permitted to spank a small and more vulnerable child. By punishing children corporally, feelings of fear, shame, and distress are instilled in them. These are exactly the opposite of the feelings parents should want to instill in their son’s and daughter’s young, innocent minds. They should not be tearing their children down even when they have done something wrong. Parents should teach their children the lessons that they need to learn in other ways that don’t involve meddling with their children’s mental health.

Nelson may be reached at [email protected].